Well, Blither had tagged me in making a list of 5 Weird Habits I may have… Damn this is difficult, especially since a habit is something you do without thinking about it, it was so much easier writing the 100 things about me, and I mean lets get real, if I think they are weird would I still be apt to do them? Most likely not, but then again… grrrrr, alright I admit I be stumped… Well these may not be weird but I should at least make an attempt to doing this.
1. My first cup (that has never been washed, only rinsed out with hot water) needs to have some kind of sweetener (French Vanilla preferred, but sugar works) in it and the rest of the day I drink it black. I generally drink at least a pot a day.
2. I am only able to sleep (when the insomnia hasn’t risen it’s ugly head) when there is music playing softly in the background, if a stereo is unavailable then a TV will do.
3. Hmm is this a habit? I guess some may think it is, so I’ll go with that. I have to name every vehicle I own… If you wish for that list, let me know and I’ll gladly post it.
4. Most evenings, just before I retire. I’ve found myself sitting here in front of this monitor with a blank stare. Uncertain of where my mind/thoughts may have gone. After an hour or two has done well past, I snap to and realize I’ve been in a deep trance (simply zoning).
5. Alright, as many of you know I am a bachelor and live alone (for many years), yet I just noticed, I still put the toilet seat down. Damn if my ex’s haven’t trained me well.
I know I am suppose to tag to keep this alive, but I don't know that many on here. So I am basically limited to just tagging Deena.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Quick note
Just a very quick update. I know I haven't updated since Thursday and/or was it Wednesday night. hmmm ... Well I guess that part really doesn't matter anyways. First off I would like to thank all of you that have taken the time to read and comment on my 100 things. I wish I could have found the time to blog that earlier I've just been very busy for the last few days with my new employment, running to the lake and normal everyday things...Which all has actually been taking a toll on me.. Work alone has been taking up 12 plus Long fulfilling hours (that doesn't include drive time),when I get home the most I am able to do is cook (nuke) up some dinner then lay down/zone for the remainder of the evening..
I do hope that I will some day be able to prioritize everything in a more sane fashion so that I can continue to do the things I enjoy.
I do hope that I will some day be able to prioritize everything in a more sane fashion so that I can continue to do the things I enjoy.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
HNT #2
I am posting a little early, alright it's only a few hours away, cause I accually begin work at bright and early. I am so greatful to be employed again. Well enough from me, at this moment, cause I am sure this is what you really came to see. Still a bit unsure of where to go with these and feeling left in the dark. These shots were taken from my kitchen window.
100 Things
At the request of Tish or was it a command? Hmmmm, so unsure all I know is there’s a few explanation points behind her comment. Anyways on with the list, damn really 100 things!?!?
1. Born in Seattle, Washington
2. At 5 received my first unforgettable kiss
3. Parents got a divorce when I was 6
4. Got my first dog, he was a mutt, named him George (from the cartoon George of the Jungle)
5. Lived between Spokane and Seattle most of my life
6. Went to 4 different Schools before the third grade
7. Learned to snow ski while in the forth grade, Instructor called me Hot Dog
8. Haven’t been up skiing for a couple years
9. Got into my first fist fight in fifth grade, I lost, he had too many rules
10. Had a Seattle Times paper route delivered 50 + dailies and 70 + Sundays
11. Made good money for an eleven year old.
12. Wrecked my moms car at 14, doing 70 mph in a 30 mph corner
13. She wasn’t happy, I went to juvenile detention
14. At 16 went sky diving, loved it but haven’t been since
15. First attempt on my driving Test, got 99% on the written and 100% on the driving.
16. Still got a lot of tickets on my record, go figure
17. My first car was a 76 Toyota Corolla to top it off, it was Lilly pad green
18. Seventeen went into the Army
19. Had my first legal beer in George Town (Washington D.C.) on my 18th
20. Can’t recall how I got back to the barracks, and no it wasn’t the first or last time for a blackout drive.
21. I am a recovering Alcoholic, been in the program for 12 plus years
22. My drug of choice was marijuana, Snake Bites (Yukon Jack and Roses Lime juice) was my poison.
23. Coffee, especially a quad Kahlua mocha is my new addiction
24. I am spiritually open minded, but always fall back upon Christianity
25. Was stationed at Camp Carrol, Korea (South of Seoul) for a year
26. The remainder of my enlistment was done at Ft. Carson, Colorado
27. I have a daughter her name is Kourtnee Ellen, she is 14
28. Only held her twice and spoken to her (on the phone) once, biggest regret of my life do to my drinking/using is that I ran
29. Been searching for her to make an amends, but just as I am thinking I’m getting close I end up hitting another dead end
30. I have never been married
31. I have major trust issues that I so need to work through
32. My greatest love, was also my closest friend (always platonic) since the age of 17
33. We rarely talk anymore, her husband and I have only met once
34. I haven’t dated for a few years now, with always a new reason why not
35. Met few people online (never met them in person) that I have fallen hard for.
36. I tend to fall in love with unavailable (emotionally, physically etc.) women.
37. My favorite part of any relationship is the Honeymoon phase, were you getting to know each other. From there it usually becomes completely chaotic or simply boring.
38. Music is the passion of my soul, I take the time to learn something from every genre and find at least 5 songs from each that I can say I like.
39. Don’t wish to admit but I am still having difficult time finding 5 songs from Opera… Unless you’ll accept “Phantom of the Opera” as being one, for I do love that whole album/cd/play.
40. Took my previously mentioned friend to see that play for her birthday a few years ago
41. Depending upon my mood and what part of my spirit I am wishing to feed, are the determining factors of what genre I chose to listen to but on the norm, at this moment in my life, my favorite genre is coffee shop rock/alternative/indie.
42. When I am upset, pissed off, angry there is nothing better the Death/Heavy/Acid Metal, that is if I am wishing to live in the shit, talk about an unhealthy comfort but it works.
43. My favorite song is “Everything” from Lifehouse and has been for a few years.
44. My sobriety song is “(I’ve been) searching for so long” from Chicago.
45. I find comfort in marking events/moments of my life with songs that enable me to reflect back with clarity of what was really going on inside of me.
46. Right now I’m listening to one of my best friends compositions titled “My Sweet Love”
47. I wrote a poem, while that song was on repeat. I may just have to post both of them when I am finished with this.
48. My favorite colour (Aussies way of writing that word, actually I think it looks better written that way) is Aqua- Marine, I think that is the name of it.. It’s a bluish green; hmmm maybe it’s called teal.
49. Italian food is to die for, yes I love the pasta, tomato sauces and cheeses.
50. I am ¼ Italian, ¼ Finish, ¼ English and the rest is 57 Heinz
51. For being a blue-eyed blonde, I tan easily.
52. I’ve only had one sunburn in my life and that one was minor.
53. I’ve recently been told I look like Tom Cruise, but she was drunk. So does that really count? Not sure if that was meant as a compliment or not, even though she did address me as Tom there after.
54. My favorite candies are; Peanut M&M’s, Reece’s Peanut butter cups, and Snickers
55. When I was younger I was allergic to so many things, I’m not sure if I can even list them all, but the main ones are; Eggs, house dust, cats, dogs, feathers and the list went on and on after I was tested.
56. Had to get shots in my arms every Tuesday and Thursday for my allergies.
57. I now have out grown most of them.
58. I so love Ham and Cheddar Omelets for breakfast.
59. The main allergies, which I still have, are to Walnuts, pecans and shorthaired cats.
60. I had a beautiful longhaired, all black cat his name was Zack. He disappeared a week before Halloween a few years ago.
61. I still miss him today.
62. I am unable to have pets where I live now, but I do have an aquarium with a few fishies in it.
63. I’ve often dreamt of learning to fly and getting my private pilots license.
64. I find serenity in high places, sitting on the edge of a cliff and/or a waterfall.
65. Waterfalls and Fires are the most hypnotizing visuals I’ve laid my eyes upon.
66. I once owned a Honda V-65 (1100) Magna motorcycle, hence my user name Magna Luv
67. My given name is Richard, but I go by Rick
68. I was in a horrid auto accident while riding that bike, a Toyota pick-up pulled out of parking lot making a left hand turn In front of me, giving me no other choice but to go right into it.
69. My list of injuries included; Compound Fracture of my left arm (was only given 10% chance of ever using it again), Broken Back (still have a rod in it), fractured; jaw, right thumb, left foot, right eardrum and skull. Was that it? I think it was.
70. I was hospitalized for two weeks.
71. A week after getting out of the hospital, I went out camping at the lake… even though it was the middle of summer, I froze my ass off due to the lack of blood in my body.
72. To this day I still pay extra for my motorcycle endorsement on my drivers license.
73. I don’t watch much TV but when I do I enjoy; Smallville, CSI (Vegas), NCIS, Boston Legal, Prison Break and House… Lost looks good but I missed so much of it, I think I’ll just have to rent the DVD’s
74. Last movie I’ve seen on the Big Screen was “Star Wars, Revenge of the Sith”
75. I’m a true bachelor; if it’s not nukable then it’s not worth cooking and/or eating.
76. I eat out more often then I really should.
77. I feel like shit if I eat too much fast food, so I try my best to avoid them.
78. I’ve noticed my emotions tend to be more stable and I am generally happier when I eat organic and/or (non processed) healthy foods.
79. I am considered to be under weight, have been all my life.
80. The Army turned me away at first cause of my weight, being too low.
81. It’s not as if I don’t eat, cause I do, a lot in my opinion it just doesn’t stick.
82. I think that may be one of the main factors why I get cold so darn easily, not just a chill but way down to my bones. The only way to warm up is with a scolding hot shower.
83. I so enjoy the true four seasons; Snowy white winters, flower blooming springs, hot sunny summers, and leave falling autumns.
84. I am a self taught computer junkie, have been since my first computer that I am not sure if it even had a number on it… all it had was DOS and Norton’s point and shoot. I upgraded a month after getting that one to a whopping high speed 386 that had; 8mb of RAM, 33k modem and a 300MB hard drive that Windows 95 took up most of the disc space. Damn those were the days.
85. I’ve built/designed a few websites using HTML when Java was still fairly new, Played a little with Java mostly just manipulating the codes so it would do what I wanted.
86. My last website I designed was called Phatrhymes.com, it was an online commercial free radio station.
87. My Worst habit is I smoke cigarettes; someday I truly would like to quit.
88. Masturbation hasn’t really been a problem, it just is.
89. Insomnia has become a very well known for me, especially in times I am stressed, anxious and/or depressed.
90. Fearful of taking Nyquil (haven’t since I’ve sobered up) due to it’s alcohol content.
91. Only took sleeping pills once, was told they were herbal or something like that, woke from a dead sleep screaming at the top of my lungs “ F-YOU”, but saying the full words.
92. Stephen King, Dean Koontz and Anne Rice (haven’t read her new one and unsure if I am willing) are my favorite authors.
93. Oh my I am almost done with the 100 things and I almost forgot to mention my sibling. I have one brother; his name is Rob and is two years younger than me.
94. For the most part we were raised as only children. When our dad was raising me, he was at moms. Then when he went to dads, I was basically out on my own.
95. I am a touchy type of person; I find great pleasure in caressing, holding, cuddling and combing my fingers through soft long hair.
96. I’ve recently worked in Radio, one of the best jobs I’ve had all except for my boss and the pay …those are the reason I chose to quit that job.
97. “Just is” are words I try my best to live by… for it’s neither good or bad, it just is.
98. My one dream/wish before I die, Is that I may find that one true love beyond any other. The love that no one could ever compare to, nor would I want to. Where she is completely available in all senses of the word.
99. I’ve felt Love similar to as I was trying to describe a few times, but there were always obstacles and availability factors.
100. It’s now 3 am and I do have a job interview in the morning, if you took the time to read all of the 100 things about me, I would like to say thank you for taking an interest.
1. Born in Seattle, Washington
2. At 5 received my first unforgettable kiss
3. Parents got a divorce when I was 6
4. Got my first dog, he was a mutt, named him George (from the cartoon George of the Jungle)
5. Lived between Spokane and Seattle most of my life
6. Went to 4 different Schools before the third grade
7. Learned to snow ski while in the forth grade, Instructor called me Hot Dog
8. Haven’t been up skiing for a couple years
9. Got into my first fist fight in fifth grade, I lost, he had too many rules
10. Had a Seattle Times paper route delivered 50 + dailies and 70 + Sundays
11. Made good money for an eleven year old.
12. Wrecked my moms car at 14, doing 70 mph in a 30 mph corner
13. She wasn’t happy, I went to juvenile detention
14. At 16 went sky diving, loved it but haven’t been since
15. First attempt on my driving Test, got 99% on the written and 100% on the driving.
16. Still got a lot of tickets on my record, go figure
17. My first car was a 76 Toyota Corolla to top it off, it was Lilly pad green
18. Seventeen went into the Army
19. Had my first legal beer in George Town (Washington D.C.) on my 18th
20. Can’t recall how I got back to the barracks, and no it wasn’t the first or last time for a blackout drive.
21. I am a recovering Alcoholic, been in the program for 12 plus years
22. My drug of choice was marijuana, Snake Bites (Yukon Jack and Roses Lime juice) was my poison.
23. Coffee, especially a quad Kahlua mocha is my new addiction
24. I am spiritually open minded, but always fall back upon Christianity
25. Was stationed at Camp Carrol, Korea (South of Seoul) for a year
26. The remainder of my enlistment was done at Ft. Carson, Colorado
27. I have a daughter her name is Kourtnee Ellen, she is 14
28. Only held her twice and spoken to her (on the phone) once, biggest regret of my life do to my drinking/using is that I ran
29. Been searching for her to make an amends, but just as I am thinking I’m getting close I end up hitting another dead end
30. I have never been married
31. I have major trust issues that I so need to work through
32. My greatest love, was also my closest friend (always platonic) since the age of 17
33. We rarely talk anymore, her husband and I have only met once
34. I haven’t dated for a few years now, with always a new reason why not
35. Met few people online (never met them in person) that I have fallen hard for.
36. I tend to fall in love with unavailable (emotionally, physically etc.) women.
37. My favorite part of any relationship is the Honeymoon phase, were you getting to know each other. From there it usually becomes completely chaotic or simply boring.
38. Music is the passion of my soul, I take the time to learn something from every genre and find at least 5 songs from each that I can say I like.
39. Don’t wish to admit but I am still having difficult time finding 5 songs from Opera… Unless you’ll accept “Phantom of the Opera” as being one, for I do love that whole album/cd/play.
40. Took my previously mentioned friend to see that play for her birthday a few years ago
41. Depending upon my mood and what part of my spirit I am wishing to feed, are the determining factors of what genre I chose to listen to but on the norm, at this moment in my life, my favorite genre is coffee shop rock/alternative/indie.
42. When I am upset, pissed off, angry there is nothing better the Death/Heavy/Acid Metal, that is if I am wishing to live in the shit, talk about an unhealthy comfort but it works.
43. My favorite song is “Everything” from Lifehouse and has been for a few years.
44. My sobriety song is “(I’ve been) searching for so long” from Chicago.
45. I find comfort in marking events/moments of my life with songs that enable me to reflect back with clarity of what was really going on inside of me.
46. Right now I’m listening to one of my best friends compositions titled “My Sweet Love”
47. I wrote a poem, while that song was on repeat. I may just have to post both of them when I am finished with this.
48. My favorite colour (Aussies way of writing that word, actually I think it looks better written that way) is Aqua- Marine, I think that is the name of it.. It’s a bluish green; hmmm maybe it’s called teal.
49. Italian food is to die for, yes I love the pasta, tomato sauces and cheeses.
50. I am ¼ Italian, ¼ Finish, ¼ English and the rest is 57 Heinz
51. For being a blue-eyed blonde, I tan easily.
52. I’ve only had one sunburn in my life and that one was minor.
53. I’ve recently been told I look like Tom Cruise, but she was drunk. So does that really count? Not sure if that was meant as a compliment or not, even though she did address me as Tom there after.
54. My favorite candies are; Peanut M&M’s, Reece’s Peanut butter cups, and Snickers
55. When I was younger I was allergic to so many things, I’m not sure if I can even list them all, but the main ones are; Eggs, house dust, cats, dogs, feathers and the list went on and on after I was tested.
56. Had to get shots in my arms every Tuesday and Thursday for my allergies.
57. I now have out grown most of them.
58. I so love Ham and Cheddar Omelets for breakfast.
59. The main allergies, which I still have, are to Walnuts, pecans and shorthaired cats.
60. I had a beautiful longhaired, all black cat his name was Zack. He disappeared a week before Halloween a few years ago.
61. I still miss him today.
62. I am unable to have pets where I live now, but I do have an aquarium with a few fishies in it.
63. I’ve often dreamt of learning to fly and getting my private pilots license.
64. I find serenity in high places, sitting on the edge of a cliff and/or a waterfall.
65. Waterfalls and Fires are the most hypnotizing visuals I’ve laid my eyes upon.
66. I once owned a Honda V-65 (1100) Magna motorcycle, hence my user name Magna Luv
67. My given name is Richard, but I go by Rick
68. I was in a horrid auto accident while riding that bike, a Toyota pick-up pulled out of parking lot making a left hand turn In front of me, giving me no other choice but to go right into it.
69. My list of injuries included; Compound Fracture of my left arm (was only given 10% chance of ever using it again), Broken Back (still have a rod in it), fractured; jaw, right thumb, left foot, right eardrum and skull. Was that it? I think it was.
70. I was hospitalized for two weeks.
71. A week after getting out of the hospital, I went out camping at the lake… even though it was the middle of summer, I froze my ass off due to the lack of blood in my body.
72. To this day I still pay extra for my motorcycle endorsement on my drivers license.
73. I don’t watch much TV but when I do I enjoy; Smallville, CSI (Vegas), NCIS, Boston Legal, Prison Break and House… Lost looks good but I missed so much of it, I think I’ll just have to rent the DVD’s
74. Last movie I’ve seen on the Big Screen was “Star Wars, Revenge of the Sith”
75. I’m a true bachelor; if it’s not nukable then it’s not worth cooking and/or eating.
76. I eat out more often then I really should.
77. I feel like shit if I eat too much fast food, so I try my best to avoid them.
78. I’ve noticed my emotions tend to be more stable and I am generally happier when I eat organic and/or (non processed) healthy foods.
79. I am considered to be under weight, have been all my life.
80. The Army turned me away at first cause of my weight, being too low.
81. It’s not as if I don’t eat, cause I do, a lot in my opinion it just doesn’t stick.
82. I think that may be one of the main factors why I get cold so darn easily, not just a chill but way down to my bones. The only way to warm up is with a scolding hot shower.
83. I so enjoy the true four seasons; Snowy white winters, flower blooming springs, hot sunny summers, and leave falling autumns.
84. I am a self taught computer junkie, have been since my first computer that I am not sure if it even had a number on it… all it had was DOS and Norton’s point and shoot. I upgraded a month after getting that one to a whopping high speed 386 that had; 8mb of RAM, 33k modem and a 300MB hard drive that Windows 95 took up most of the disc space. Damn those were the days.
85. I’ve built/designed a few websites using HTML when Java was still fairly new, Played a little with Java mostly just manipulating the codes so it would do what I wanted.
86. My last website I designed was called Phatrhymes.com, it was an online commercial free radio station.
87. My Worst habit is I smoke cigarettes; someday I truly would like to quit.
88. Masturbation hasn’t really been a problem, it just is.
89. Insomnia has become a very well known for me, especially in times I am stressed, anxious and/or depressed.
90. Fearful of taking Nyquil (haven’t since I’ve sobered up) due to it’s alcohol content.
91. Only took sleeping pills once, was told they were herbal or something like that, woke from a dead sleep screaming at the top of my lungs “ F-YOU”, but saying the full words.
92. Stephen King, Dean Koontz and Anne Rice (haven’t read her new one and unsure if I am willing) are my favorite authors.
93. Oh my I am almost done with the 100 things and I almost forgot to mention my sibling. I have one brother; his name is Rob and is two years younger than me.
94. For the most part we were raised as only children. When our dad was raising me, he was at moms. Then when he went to dads, I was basically out on my own.
95. I am a touchy type of person; I find great pleasure in caressing, holding, cuddling and combing my fingers through soft long hair.
96. I’ve recently worked in Radio, one of the best jobs I’ve had all except for my boss and the pay …those are the reason I chose to quit that job.
97. “Just is” are words I try my best to live by… for it’s neither good or bad, it just is.
98. My one dream/wish before I die, Is that I may find that one true love beyond any other. The love that no one could ever compare to, nor would I want to. Where she is completely available in all senses of the word.
99. I’ve felt Love similar to as I was trying to describe a few times, but there were always obstacles and availability factors.
100. It’s now 3 am and I do have a job interview in the morning, if you took the time to read all of the 100 things about me, I would like to say thank you for taking an interest.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
New Day
Yes, I chose to delete “The Week in Review”. After spending time at the lake and reflecting upon what I wrote, I felt I might have shared a bit too much too soon. I know I could have just edited out those things but it was just easier to say good-bye to the whole post.
Anyways, I am back at it again, trying to look upon this new day in a positive way. Though, I do not know what this day truly has in store for me, my mind still tries to have it all planned out. Whom I am fooling? Those ideas generally never pan out the way I expect them to, and by the end of the day I am torn, frustrated and depressed. For all I really had done was given my mind more fuel to keep its own lies (unloved, no one cares, not good enough, etc.) alive. So, I am writing this in hopes of getting out of this insane thinking and to finally be able to look at this day as an infant. Simply observing, acknowledging and going through this day with an open mind and without prejudices.
Well, I’ve procrastinated long enough from what I “really” need to get done today.
Anyways, I am back at it again, trying to look upon this new day in a positive way. Though, I do not know what this day truly has in store for me, my mind still tries to have it all planned out. Whom I am fooling? Those ideas generally never pan out the way I expect them to, and by the end of the day I am torn, frustrated and depressed. For all I really had done was given my mind more fuel to keep its own lies (unloved, no one cares, not good enough, etc.) alive. So, I am writing this in hopes of getting out of this insane thinking and to finally be able to look at this day as an infant. Simply observing, acknowledging and going through this day with an open mind and without prejudices.
Well, I’ve procrastinated long enough from what I “really” need to get done today.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Seahawks
Talk about a great game!! There were moments that I was beginning to believe that once again the Hawks were going to let us (fans) down. Especially in the fourth quarter where it never fails, they go into it with the lead and as if they just get cocky, thinking they have the game and flub the rest of the game. I am just thankful that today they didn’t live up to that repetition, for they may actually do something this year. Well, only one can hope/pray.
Mobile
This is just a test for the mobile blogger. Hopefully it works, this picture was taken with my phone, on a cruise I took last summer.
Thursday, January 12, 2006
HNT
For my first HNT, I didn’t wish to get too risqué, I shall leave that for another day. So for my first HNT I decided to post this photo of myself and 2005 St. Pauli Girl,Stacy Fuson.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Tuesday
Yes, a few more days had come to pass since I’ve written (trying to be more consistent). To simply sum up on the past few days, Sunday went out to the Lake (my little sanctuary). It felt so good to just get away from everything, some may call it running but I choose to call it therapy. There is no other place that is able to let me just get centered and clear my mind as there.
Yesterday on the other hand was a totally different story, I think I’ve come down with something, feeling totally stuffed up yet my nose kept draining rivers of unwanted crap, so how the hell could I be stuffed up? Anyways on top of being physically ill, I was filled with anxiety on top of extremely over-whelmed. You know where you are unable to just sit and be calm, feels like bugs running under your skin, you just have to get up and do something. Yet when you begin to do just that it’s like hitting a brick wall cause you are unsure of what to do, where to begin, then the anxiety and frustration consumes you once again. Well I couldn’t take it any longer, so I just put my head under my pillow and prayed to God that this too shall pass, SOON !!
It’s now a new day, and even though it’s not quite the afternoon (yet), I am hoping this song shall guide me through today.
Tuesday afternoon.
I'm just beginning to see,
Now I'm on my way.
It doesn't matter to me,
Chasing the clouds away.
Something calls to me.
The trees are drawing me near,
I've got to find out why.
Those gentle voices I hear
Explain it all with a sigh.
I'm looking at myself, reflections of my mind.
It's just the kind of day to leave myself behind.
So gently swaying through the fairy-land of love,
If you could just come with me and see the beauty of
Tuesday afternoon.
Tuesday afternoon.
Tuesday afternoon.
I'm just beginning to see,
Now I'm on my way.
It doesn't matter to me,
Chasing the clouds away.
Something calls to me.
The trees are drawing me near,
I've got to find out why.
Those gentle voices I hear
Explain it all with a sigh.
Yesterday on the other hand was a totally different story, I think I’ve come down with something, feeling totally stuffed up yet my nose kept draining rivers of unwanted crap, so how the hell could I be stuffed up? Anyways on top of being physically ill, I was filled with anxiety on top of extremely over-whelmed. You know where you are unable to just sit and be calm, feels like bugs running under your skin, you just have to get up and do something. Yet when you begin to do just that it’s like hitting a brick wall cause you are unsure of what to do, where to begin, then the anxiety and frustration consumes you once again. Well I couldn’t take it any longer, so I just put my head under my pillow and prayed to God that this too shall pass, SOON !!
It’s now a new day, and even though it’s not quite the afternoon (yet), I am hoping this song shall guide me through today.
Tuesday afternoon.
I'm just beginning to see,
Now I'm on my way.
It doesn't matter to me,
Chasing the clouds away.
Something calls to me.
The trees are drawing me near,
I've got to find out why.
Those gentle voices I hear
Explain it all with a sigh.
I'm looking at myself, reflections of my mind.
It's just the kind of day to leave myself behind.
So gently swaying through the fairy-land of love,
If you could just come with me and see the beauty of
Tuesday afternoon.
Tuesday afternoon.
Tuesday afternoon.
I'm just beginning to see,
Now I'm on my way.
It doesn't matter to me,
Chasing the clouds away.
Something calls to me.
The trees are drawing me near,
I've got to find out why.
Those gentle voices I hear
Explain it all with a sigh.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Sifting through old poems
Been going through some of the poems I have written, in hopes that they may release the creativity that resides deep inside of me. Here is one I wrote for my friends wedding.
It is only from the depths of the heart
Those pure memories shall start.
As the days flourish into years,
The laughter over taken by tears.
Simply reflect back on the past,
When you both vowed
This Love will last.
Yes, it was short but after I wrote in calligraphy and framed it, I was surprised it actually turned out better then ever expected. I only wish now I had taken a picture of the finished product when I had the opportunity to. Unfortunately, I am unable now due to the fact he was involved in a fatal accident, coincidentally it was the very year I was hospitalized from an accident... I shall write more about that year at a later time.
It is only from the depths of the heart
Those pure memories shall start.
As the days flourish into years,
The laughter over taken by tears.
Simply reflect back on the past,
When you both vowed
This Love will last.
Yes, it was short but after I wrote in calligraphy and framed it, I was surprised it actually turned out better then ever expected. I only wish now I had taken a picture of the finished product when I had the opportunity to. Unfortunately, I am unable now due to the fact he was involved in a fatal accident, coincidentally it was the very year I was hospitalized from an accident... I shall write more about that year at a later time.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Sick Cycle
I am chasing after my own tail, besides getting dizzy, baffled and disoriented... I feel so alone, beginning to beleive my own lies that know one else has ever been here before. So once again, I have to reach for my music to ensure me that I will someday beable to get off this carousel.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
At it again
Grrrrr…. I had so forgotten what a toll it is looking for employment. It’s such an emotional roller coaster, (put on your happy face, think positive, sell yourself… all for no call backs, that position has already been filled, your not what we are looking for.) I just want to get off this ride. Simply feel drained and yet I know, I so need to get off my ass and just do it, but that damn bed looks so inviting.
All right time to put on some uplifting, motivational music and get on with the day before I allow it to pass me by. Can’t afford (financially, physically, mentally) to procrastinate any longer.
All right time to put on some uplifting, motivational music and get on with the day before I allow it to pass me by. Can’t afford (financially, physically, mentally) to procrastinate any longer.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Yester Year
Yesterday, I decided to take some time for myself and reflect upon the year gone past. So I went to a place where I could truly do that, it’s my little sanctuary, a little place on this earth that was blessed to me. When I arrived to the lake, I could feel all the troubles of the yester year be lifted off my weighted shoulders. No more worries and/or cares, I was finally able to just let go and find serenity.
All right for a short summery of the things that came and past in 2005…. Wow, My mind just went blank. I had hoped to write something about each month, got to January and found I can’t recall shit. So I guess it would be best just to note the highlights, at least for now…
- Greatest event, I was granted a beautiful peace of land, that as I said once before, I am ever so grateful.
- Purchased a beautiful Jeep (she still doesn’t have a solid name)
- Quit my job, too many empty promises, had to finally stick up for myself, I deserve so much more.
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